Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I'm terrible at small talk.
I was asked to speak about our experience with adoption at a little event tonight with other adoptive families. I think I frightened all of the people who came. I was honest and clear about the scary and hard parts of adoption, and the responsibility and ethics it requires. I don't think I was encouraging. Adopting Verity has been one of the two greatest gifts of my life to date. It has also been the single hardest thing I've ever done, and the work of helping her feel right in the world won't ever end. Adopting is not for the faint of heart (although little of parenting is.) Getting to the moment where we knew that she would come home with us and that she was really and truly our daughter was worth it in a way I can't properly articulate. I would have done anything under the sun to make it so. It was also filled with more pain and fear than I think my heart could ever take again. I have never been laid so bare and defenseless or been so close the unmitigated loss of someone making such a sacrifice out of love, as Verity's birthmother did. And our adoption process was simple and smooth. Is it worth it? Oh heavens yes, and yes, and yes again. She is and was worth anything and everything. But I don't feel like I'm at the point in this journey where I'm able to sugar coat the truth.