2012

It's shocking to me that the first month of 2012 is nearly over. I have so many friends that are having babies this year, and they keep popping out of the woodwork. I feel excited that our baby will be growing up with other new little ones in our group of friends. It's also interesting to watch others go through pregnancy, and recognize the parts of it I will always feel a longing for, and the parts of it I am grateful to never have to do again. Watching a sweet little girl moving in a friend's belly, her arrival expected any day now, makes me feel such sweet warm memories of what that was like, that swimming feeling. The sensation of carrying your tiny companion around, watching the wee girl roll as her mother laughs. But another friend battles with morning sickness, and all of the rottenness of the first trimester, and I think that I am grateful to never have another first trimester again. Not so much to avoid morning sickness (because although it's awful, it often accompanies a healthy babe down the line), I feel incredibly lucky not to ever have to wonder again if I will "stay" pregnant. I feel fear and panic and when I think of that part again. Not ever ever ever. So releasing my own body from the burden of nurturing life to fruition feels like a great relief. And makes me that much more grateful for the possibility inherent in adoption.

I thought that activating with our agency would help me feel more ready to "nest" for this little one - because I feel with my whole heart that this baby deserves as much pomp and ceremony and nesting as Adeline received. But I still feel unsure, and a little out of practice. We do need to carve out a space for this person, I want him or her to know that there was physical as well as emotional space being held as we waited.

In answer to many of your questions (and I feel so touched that our family is in your minds!), nope, no news. I don't expect there to be any for a while. And although I am excited, I don't feel anxious in the wait right now, just settled. Ben is predicting April, he isn't sure why. April would be lovely, but so would any other month. Adeline is already thinking it's taking too long, with a little over 3 weeks of waiting under our belts ;) I've explained that were I pregnant we'd have a long 40 week wait, but time is very fluid in her head.

So yeah, that's it for now. Please keep us in your thoughts, and send warm thoughts to the little one who might be growing this very minute.