tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17384358677339143802024-02-07T03:10:36.774-08:00There is a Baby ComingOne family's journey into domestic adoption.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-44613711582630538842013-11-12T18:36:00.000-08:002013-11-12T18:36:36.452-08:00I'm terrible at small talk.I was asked to speak about our experience with adoption at a little event tonight with other adoptive families. I think I frightened all of the people who came. I was honest and clear about the scary and hard parts of adoption, and the responsibility and ethics it requires. I don't think I was encouraging. Adopting Verity has been one of the two greatest gifts of my life to date. It has also been the single hardest thing I've ever done, and the work of helping her feel right in the world won't ever end. Adopting is not for the faint of heart (although little of parenting is.) Getting to the moment where we knew that she would come home with us and that she was really and truly our daughter was worth it in a way I can't properly articulate. I would have done anything under the sun to make it so. It was also filled with more pain and fear than I think my heart could ever take again. I have never been laid so bare and defenseless or been so close the unmitigated loss of someone making such a sacrifice out of love, as Verity's birthmother did. And our adoption process was simple and smooth. Is it worth it? Oh heavens yes, and yes, and yes again. She is and was worth anything and everything. But I don't feel like I'm at the point in this journey where I'm able to sugar coat the truth.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-30859173070807628342013-11-02T17:02:00.000-07:002013-11-02T17:03:06.653-07:00PumpkinsI know I'm late to the Halloween game - but bear with me. Last year at this time we were matched with a con woman, gestating a very possibly imaginary baby, and on October 30th we carved a pumpkin for that baby. I carved star, and when we lit it, the flame guttered out, which as omens go, is not a great one.<br />
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We then carved a tiny heart into the back of the pumpkin, trying to get some more oxygen to the candle, and the flame stayed lit, and cast a heart shaped light onto the brickwork of the house.<br />
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On November 1st, we discovered that we had been conned, and pick up the shattered little bits of our hearts for the 5th time in 5 years, and moved on. I seriously considered throwing in the towel, another child was clearly not in our future, and I didn't know if I could really bear it.<br />
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What I didn't know then, is that three weeks later our daughter would be born. That at that very moment, curled up snug in her first mother's belly, was a baby girl, almost ready to greet the world.<br />
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Fast forward to October 30, 2013:<br />
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There are four pumpkins on our porch, and the little kitty pumpkin was carved on behalf of our <i>daughter, </i>who really quite adores cats. She signs "kitty" enthusiastically whenever she sees one, and has even learned how to pet our cat Billy, very very gently. She is real, she is here, and in less than three weeks, she will turn one.<br />
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What a wild and beautiful ride. Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-34881123446279934222012-12-28T18:41:00.002-08:002012-12-28T19:18:32.315-08:00Coming up for air...I have a lot of writing to do - to talk about what it was all like. The phone call, the trip to Virginia, meeting Verity for the first time, the revocation period, these first 5 weeks. But I can't yet, I don't have the brain space, and everything is just rattling around fresh and raw and amazed.<br />
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What I can say, what I can say over and over and over again - because it keeps becoming really obvious everywhere I turn - is that people are wonderful, and we have so very much to be grateful for as 2012 comes to a close.<br />
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Newtown, CT is so much ugliness that I can't even speak about it, it's heart-shatteringly awful. But even as the news rolled in about that I felt I could speak with confidence about the light in people. They positively glow.<br />
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2012 was hard for us, heck, the past 5 years have seemed hard. I began to have a complex about the universe being out to get me, us, because in this one piece of our lives we could not reach comfort. We felt kicked, and kicked again, and then kicked some more. But that's gone now, the universe doesn't hate us (and no, cosmos, that's not an invitation). I know this because I saw the way people rallied around us when we needed them.<br />
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When we got the call and went into full-on panic mode, our community came forward. Friends scrambled to get our dogs to the vet, paperwork faxed, our house taken care of, my cat fed and (ack!) litter changed. Family and friends, and friends of friends - DOZENS OF THEM - donated to our adoption fund, making the scary scary expensive last minute travel doable. We could breathe because of the kindness and generosity of those around us. People offered lodging, and reached farther into their own circles to find us help. We drove pell-mell towards Virginia secure in the knowledge that whatever we left in our wake here at home would be taken care of, because people here loved us and were willing to show it.<br />
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Our daughter Adeline was safe and in incredibly loving arms with Ben's parents, with extra visits and love from the honorary Aunties. I knew whatever she needed she would have, because of that community. We missed her in a visceral way - the longest we've ever ever been gone, but we knew she was loved, and that made it doable.<br />
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When we got to Virginia and holed up in our hotel for the most frightening week of our lives, a woman named Patricia, whom we had never met - a friend of a friend of a friend - came to our hotel and loved on us, and arranged meals and little gifts for us every night of our stay. Strangers made us hot meals, sent clothing for Verity, cookies, little presents. Strangers who had no reason in the world to help us. We were all alone in that city and she made us feel like old friends, and when I needed to find something in Portsmouth, she made sure I knew where to find it. I feel certain she would have done whatever we needed her to, even with 4 children and a busy community of her own to tend to. She admired our daughter and heaped encouragement and support upon us. She was on fire with goodness and I will never be able to repay her kindness.<br />
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When we returned home we were met with a house that was so clean and good smelling. Festooned with pink streamers and ribbons, and snowflakes and pictures made by our dearest friend's children. There were gifts, and chili and rice and cornbread, and cards, and a banner that said WELCOME HOME. We felt so welcomed.<br />
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People keep saying that Verity is so lucky - as though she somehow benefits from being saved by our little family. This makes me laugh, because domestic adoption of newborns doesn't work that way - there was a long line of people that would have swept in to be Verity's parents if we hadn't said yes. Many of those families are probably wealthier or happier or better adjusted than we are, although I like to imagine that they weren't the <i>Right</i> family, because we are. I insist when they say she is lucky that no, we are the lucky ones, because Ben and Adeline I believe that we've won the lottery, we feel like we robbed a bank and they are letting us keep the money. This beautiful soul encased in the sweetest little brown baby is in our family now. Could we be luckier? But there is something that gives me pause in all of this. Maybe Verity is lucky - not because she was adopted - because let me be clear that we did not save her, but because she has brought out the very shiniest aspects of those around us. She has champions in every corner, and her first weeks seem to hold all of the auspicious signs that come with being born a Dragon in the Chinese Zodiac. She is lucky. All by her herself.<br />
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<br />Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-43670991087204164782012-12-03T14:24:00.000-08:002012-12-03T14:24:36.904-08:00Yell it from the rooftops.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is Verity Ruth Campbell Baugh. She's our daughter.</span></div>
Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-15967967031659775892012-11-23T20:16:00.001-08:002012-11-23T20:16:29.946-08:00The Best NewsI only have a moment, but someone appropriately pointed out that our last blog entry is rather dire- and suddenly there is a flurry of motion.<br />
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A baby girl was born yesterday morning at 5:29am. and she very well may be our daughter. We got the call at 7:51pm this evening. We've been "matched" with her and we travel tomorrow (as soon as we have clearance from our agency) to meet her. My head is a flip top right now. I am filled with panic and shock at having to throw together a plan to be away from hearth and home and Adeline for 2 weeks.<br />
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Tomorrow is Adeline's birthday. She was born on Thanksgiving 7 years ago. This baby girl, in a hospital in Virginia, was born on Thanksgiving. What are the chances? Will we have two daughters born on Thansgiving?<br />
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We're speechless, and terrified, and it doesn't feel at all real.<br />
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We'll meet her, and on Monday she will be discharged from the hospital to us where we will stay in a hotel with her until ICPC clears and the revocation period (the time which her birth mother has to change her mind and decide to parent) is up. And then we will bring her home. That's the plan.<br />
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More to come when we can share more.<br />
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Send vibes. We need them.<br />
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<br />Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-84836920963636530622012-11-01T12:48:00.001-07:002012-11-01T12:48:42.610-07:00The Untelling.Here it is, that thing we were warned sometimes has to happen. The thing we <i>knew </i>could happen.<br />
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We got a call from the agency today. Some information has come out revealing the woman we were matched with to be a convicted scammer. They have unmatched us and are pursuing legal action.<br />
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We're feeling hurt and bewildered - but also really relieved that the agency we are working with did the legwork when something seemed fishy, and that they protect us from financial risk - all of the money that we've spent comes back to us, allowing us to continue our journey to adoption.<br />
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So, we are back to "Active" and waiting with our agency, and would love for everyone to spread the word. Our baby is still out there, we know it.<br />
<br />Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-44131848438689120052012-10-09T16:04:00.001-07:002012-10-09T16:04:59.285-07:00There's news people.So, in the interest of full disclosure (ha, ha) - and because I don't want to leave you hanging (whoever you are), I need to share.<br />
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But I do so with the caution that our agency suggests that we <i>don't</i> tell the wider world this, because we might just have to <b>untell.</b><br />
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But, hey, whatcha gonna do?<br />
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So.<br />
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We. Are. Matched.<br />
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Yup, right now there is a little bitty baby growing that may someday come home to us, be our son or daughter.<br />
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On Friday afternoon, while in TN with friends, my phone rang. It was our agency's number, and I knew as soon as I saw it that it was THE call. I went outside and answered it, with Ben right behind me.<br />
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And the woman on the phone told us a beautiful thing. An amazing expectant mother has picked us, from out of many families, to be the family for her baby.<br />
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I am not going to give any details, because they really don't matter - it can all become clear if this works out.<br />
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What can I say? There is a baby, in another state, due to arrive earthside in the spring.<br />
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We are in love with everything about the situation, aside from the wait. A lot can happen before spring comes. But we have faith that what will be, must be.<br />
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Oh little baby, we love love love you.<br />
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<br />Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-33984334315940134602012-09-11T10:23:00.000-07:002012-09-11T10:23:08.019-07:00No news is... good news?No, not really! However, that's where we're at. Starting in October we have to renew a bunch of our homestudy documents as they begin to expire. Criminal background checks, health forms, child abuse screens, and our home study report. Unfortunately that means more money, and that it will be a year since we formally began the process to adopt.<br />
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If you see me, don't ask if there is anything new. Maybe just hug me? And Ben, he always needs hugs.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-53194684556819682592012-08-20T18:29:00.001-07:002012-08-20T18:30:58.884-07:00PAL<b>Positive Adoption Language</b> - this is something that comes up all the time. I have had friends ask me to explain the right words to use for what. It might not seem like a big deal, but words have huge power, and they will shape the way those in the adoption triad feel about themselves. Most people don't mean ill, or disrespect when they use incorrect terms, but they can be very hurtful nonetheless. Remember, you can always ask if you don't know the answer! Help to educate those around you so that the language surrounding adoption can shift, and with it, dispel misconceptions.<br />
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So (with a help from Adoptive Families Magazine) here we go:<br />
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<b>Postive Language Negative Language</b><br />
Birthparent Real parent<br />
Biological parent Natural parent<br />
Birth child Own child<br />
My child Adopted child; Own child<br />
Born to unmarried parents Illegitimate<br />
Terminate parental rights Give up<br />
Make an adoption plan Give away<br />
To parent To keep<br />
Waiting child Adoptable child; available child<br />
Biological or birthfather/mother Real father/mother<br />
Making contact with Reunion<br />
Parent Adoptive parent<br />
Intercountry adoption Foreign adoption<br />
Adoption triad Adoption triangle<br />
Permission to sign a release Disclosure<br />
Search Track down parents<br />
Child placed for adoption An unwanted child<br />
Court termination Child taken away<br />
Child with special needs Handicapped child<br />
Child from abroad Foreign child<br />
Was adopted Is adoptedSarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-46792511360961544782012-08-14T17:24:00.000-07:002012-08-14T17:24:00.524-07:00Mother, Blessing.It's August! We've been active for 225 days so far. That sounds like a really really really long time, but it actually isn't. Weird.<br />
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Still waiting, no word.<br />
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I vacillate between stressed and almost forgetting that we're even waiting. Money is scaring me, not knowing how much this is going to cost, fear of the cost of travel, of staying in a hotel for a couple weeks. Adoption is an astonishing expensive thing. It is only through our families that we are able to do this - and I feel so grateful that money is not stopping us from expanding our family, as it does for so many people.<br />
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I recently had an amazing "mother blessing" hosted by some very dear friends. Some very close friends gathered in a room and shared thoughts, beads, and lots of tears as they wished us speed and luck and strength, and told me they know this will be beautiful. I felt so loved and held up that for days I was buoyed by that love. I have been to many mother blessings myself, hosted a bunch, intend to host many more. I never had one with Adeline - I wasn't at a place in my life where I had so many sisters. After the miscarriages mother blessings became exquisitely painful. Not that I didn't wish joy and blessings on my friends, just that I knew that I would never sit in that place myself, and rub my belly with expectation. But I did (although there was no belly rubbing, just a little drinking!), and it was more than I ever could have expected. And all of these women have been with us on some part of this path, and all of them know the baggage we carry around, and all of them have carried some of our pain around to help share the burden. As each woman shared the bead(s) she selected to be strung on a necklace for me, she explained why, and gave a bit of her heart. It was hugely moving, and I cried through nearly all of it. Some of the tears were just from having these friends open themselves so wide, some were from the deep significance of the beads and thoughts and words they had brought, some were from joyful and painful memories. They were good and cathartic tears.<br />
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I am a Mother, and I get to be a Mother again, and I get to bring this child into a family of women that love him or her very dearly already. I am very very blessed.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-45151420913406588502012-06-01T17:24:00.000-07:002012-06-01T17:24:23.544-07:00Nearly halfway?So it's June, how did that happen?<br />
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I'm not quite sure, but here we are. Time has, mercifully, passed without incident, and I am happy to say no one in our little family has yet exploded with the pressure of waiting.<br />
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When we activated with the agency we are using they gave us an <i>approximate</i> wait time of 1-12 months. This is a time frame we are kind of clinging to, as the only even faintly concrete portion of this process. Soooo... could this mean that come July 1st we are halfway to meeting our baby? Or that within the average of 1-12 months (what kind of average is that anyway?) 6 months is the mean?<br />
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Clearly we are still chock-full of hope - or at least I am - because I have been knitting like a fiend for this baby. If he or she arrives this summer we will have to spend our time in overly air conditioned rooms so that the wee pilot caps and sweaters can be worn, if only for pictures. The little garments make me smile smile smile. Baby you are loved! Wherever you are.<br />
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<br />Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-71971203184519148202012-04-07T17:52:00.003-07:002012-04-07T17:52:46.326-07:00Bad bad bloggerYes, the last post was in February, what can I say? There has been little to report, that's my defense.<br />
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So it's April now, the month Ben predicted our baby would join us. There are still 23 days left in which that could happen, but I don't think I'm going to hold my breath.<br />
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We did have the closest brush we've had yet, with a local situation that we may have been considered for. The circumstances required us to pass on it, which was hard, and weird. I know that wasn't our baby, and so we continue to wait.<br />
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We got good news from our agency - our profile was able to be shown to over 30 expectant Moms during the month of March, which is apparently, as they put it, a "very high number". So our comfort level with different scenarios is evidently open enough that our chances for a match are increased. This gives me huge hope, because as we wait our agency warned us we would hear from them very infrequently. My pessimistic mind feared that our profile was never being shown, and it turns out we're in good shape. Just waiting for someone to decide that we are IT.<br />
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And because a friend suggested it - I'm going to do it: post our profile right <a href="http://www.americanadoptions.com/family_profile/index/fp_id/26559" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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So, if you know anyone that is pregnant and considering adoption - they can check us out. We've got a lot of love. Lots.<br />
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I'll try to be more consistent about blogging, and maybe poke my negligent husband into doing the same. Perhaps I'll even add some pictures of the quilt I'm making for the baby, or the preparations we're making for an infant being in our home again (wow!). Or maybe, just maybe, April will be the month I turn 31, and the month I become Mama to a second child.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-12028624055594187872012-02-28T20:41:00.001-08:002012-02-28T20:41:20.612-08:00The WaitSo we've been officially active and waiting with our agency for 8 weeks today. I had a nice talk with a very close friend tonight about how that feels - and how we (so far) manage not to lose our minds, with all of the unknowns floating around. On one hand, she was right, it's crazy making, not knowing ANYTHING about the arrival of our baby. We don't know when, or where from, or who, or how this baby will arrive. We can't really make any solid plans about what we will do when the time comes, because there are so very very many variables at play.<br />
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But I guess that is the very thing that is helping us feel at ease with the wait. We've done what we can, and now we wait. I am making a quilt for the baby, which is coming along slowly. We talk about names regularly, knowing that the circumstances surrounding the baby may change what his or her name ends up being. I pick out knitting patterns, and debate what size to make, not knowing if we will have a wee tiny winter baby, or a chubby little spring baby, or a leggy summer baby, or some variation thereof. I poke through Ebay, looking at cute Hanna Andersson pajamas in the little tiny sizes (because if my adorable nephew looks that cute in them, our baby must also), and I do a lot of dreaming.<br />
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I won't lie, I have moments of feeling such urgency - "come baby, come right now!" and willing the phone to ring. 4 years is such a very long time to wait for this to happen, and we're not done waiting yet.<br />
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This past weekend I attended 2 adoption related events, one with my Mother-in-law. They were so interesting and relevant, and I got to meet a bunch of other families that have already walked through this path. It made me feel hopeful and so happy - to see these families in the flesh, knowing that our own will look an awful lot like that very soon. They are real, and normal, and happy, and this really will happen. It's my mantra. This will happen.<br />
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Say it with me now.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-60111099409657173332012-01-29T14:53:00.000-08:002012-01-29T14:53:33.124-08:00You know what's fun?Looking at adults of all shapes, sizes, and colors and wondering if someday Ben and I might be parents to someone who grows up to look like that. The possibilities are endless, and magical. We are a lucky lucky family.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-7115361238677049552012-01-27T13:18:00.000-08:002012-01-27T13:18:12.293-08:002012It's shocking to me that the first month of 2012 is nearly over. I have so many friends that are having babies this year, and they keep popping out of the woodwork. I feel excited that our baby will be growing up with other new little ones in our group of friends. It's also interesting to watch others go through pregnancy, and recognize the parts of it I will always feel a longing for, and the parts of it I am grateful to never have to do again.
Watching a sweet little girl moving in a friend's belly, her arrival expected any day now, makes me feel such sweet warm memories of what that was like, that swimming feeling. The sensation of carrying your tiny companion around, watching the wee girl roll as her mother laughs. But another friend battles with morning sickness, and all of the rottenness of the first trimester, and I think that I am grateful to never have another first trimester again. Not so much to avoid morning sickness (because although it's awful, it often accompanies a healthy babe down the line), I feel incredibly lucky not to ever have to wonder again if I will "stay" pregnant. I feel fear and panic and when I think of that part again. Not ever ever ever. So releasing my own body from the burden of nurturing life to fruition feels like a great relief. And makes me that much more grateful for the possibility inherent in adoption.<br />
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I thought that activating with our agency would help me feel more ready to "nest" for this little one - because I feel with my whole heart that this baby deserves as much pomp and ceremony and nesting as Adeline received. But I still feel unsure, and a little out of practice. We do need to carve out a space for this person, I want him or her to know that there was physical as well as emotional space being held as we waited.<br />
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In answer to many of your questions (and I feel so touched that our family is in your minds!), nope, no news. I don't expect there to be any for a while. And although I am excited, I don't feel anxious in the wait right now, just settled. Ben is predicting April, he isn't sure why. April would be lovely, but so would any other month. Adeline is already thinking it's taking too long, with a little over 3 weeks of waiting under our belts ;) I've explained that were I pregnant we'd have a long 40 week wait, but time is very fluid in her head.<br />
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So yeah, that's it for now. Please keep us in your thoughts, and send warm thoughts to the little one who might be growing this very minute.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-68757227542349065242012-01-03T17:21:00.000-08:002012-01-03T17:21:22.339-08:00A Very Happy New YearI'm too weary to write much, we all have a bad cold.
We're now active with our agency.
Our profile is visible for the whole world to see and is now being shown to potential expectant mothers.
Now we wait. happy happy happy.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-47182010604778544622011-12-21T06:08:00.000-08:002011-12-21T06:08:29.680-08:00Sooo...It looks like around about the end of this month we will be "active" with our agency. 7-10 days from now that means that we will be shown to expectant mothers and fathers, our profile will be visible online, and that our match could really come any time, or be a year or more from now.<br />
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Yesterday we went to our bank and signed papers before a notary that were kind of intense. They laid out exactly how this all works, in legalese, and then we had to initial over and over again each paragraph on each page, confirming we read and understood it, and then sign at the bottom. I felt my hands shaking a little as I did it, and the whole rest of the day I felt a bit discombobulated. It was our activation agreement, and it makes what we are doing binding, the backout point without being seriously penalized has passed. The papers are on their way to Kansas and we are just waiting on them now. I am so very happy and terrified, and eager to meet our child. So, Merry Christmas to us, we are now as pregnant as we've been in quite a while.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-22014854742112026462011-11-30T17:41:00.001-08:002011-11-30T17:59:35.197-08:00So close...Yesterday I mailed out a disc of pictures - a representative bunch of photographs of our lives together - to the agency. It was almost cripplingly difficult to choose, and I hated it. I'm a photographer, why was this so hard?<br />
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For a lot of reasons. First being, I really am rarely on the other side of the camera, so pictures of Ben and Adeline and myself together are really rare, so rare that we had to quick take some for this project. Second being, I am picky as heck, and am sort of a control freak about photographs that pass through my hands. Third, the awareness that these will be what decides our fate in all reality. Someone will look at them and choose us, or not.<br />
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But I did it, I released that envelope into the mail, and hopefully very soon the graphic designer at the agency will combine the pictures and our written profile into a masterpiece that reflects our family well.<br />
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The last piece to be sent off is the completed homestudy report and a million supporting documents. And of course, some initial big checks. Yikes. That should be completed by tomorrow.<br />
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I think we are both starting to feel the realness of this, knowing that we really are reaching the point where we just wait, where any phone call might mean THE phone call. It's intense. I recall the feelings I had when we were newly pregnant with Adeline. She was conceived on purpose, planned, hoped for. And then when we actually discovered we were pregnant I walked around with a frightened monkey grin on my face for a few days. I had regrets about how we had suddenly put ourselves in a position where we were irrevocably changing our lives in an enormous way. That Ben and I were no longer go to be a the happy duo, that there would be someone new and unknown entering our little bubble. But then, at five weeks, when I had spotting with her, when we thought that we were losing that unknown little person, we felt terrible despair.<br />
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And now, after 4 years - 4 YEARS - of trying to bring another into our family, we are at a place where it looks like it really is going to happen. And I feel afraid. What will our family be like as a square instead of a triangle? A roller coaster, this whole creation thing. But how can we not feel afraid?<br />
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I feel some of those feelings - fear, excitement, worry, doubts - but they are all being overridden by huge bucketfuls of hope. We have been longing for this child for so so long, and I can't wait to lay eyes on his or her sweet face. To say welcome to our family. To start the good (and hard) part, the actual parenting, the growing from a family of three to a family of four. The sleeplessness and poop and spit up, and memorizing a new soul's face.<br />
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<br />Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-21192507523979222162011-11-25T16:53:00.001-08:002011-11-25T16:55:07.881-08:00Approved!It's done! We're homestudy approved. The thick envelope was in the mailbox this afternoon, and what a joy it was to read it.<br />
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I'll write more when I am less post-holiday foggy, and can process a bit.<br />
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If you know an expectant Mother or Father that would like to make an adoption plan for their baby, you can now officially send them our way.<br />
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You know, just in case you do...<br />
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Happy Happy Happy Thanksgiving.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-9506644848855684172011-11-09T18:11:00.000-08:002011-11-09T18:11:59.658-08:00The last one's in!We have (knock on wood...) completed our homestudy! We're just waiting on approval now, and really hoping that will come without any hitches. Our home visit was this past Sunday, and as everyone says, it was much less stressful than we expected. I even felt like it was a bit anti-climactic.With the help of my Mom and Mother-in-law we finished up projects, organized, and spit-polished the house. I love the way it looks now, and want to keep it this way. The home visit went smoothly, and I scanned and emailed the last documents today, and it felt so very good to see all the check marks next to the requirements. This part is done, now we just wait for her to complete the report, and in the mean time begin the really difficult task of creating our profile.<div>
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Who would have guessed that a writer and a photographer would find this task so challenging? But we find ourselves second guessing everything, realizing that the way we present ourselves in this situation is monumentally important. We also really want to be truthful, because we want the people who choose us to be their baby's family to be making that choice for the right reasons. </div>
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So we are filling out long lists of favorites - what is my favorite candy bar? I don't know! Writing essays based on different topics, manicuring the front yard for pictures, and compiling a million photographs that represent <i>who we are</i> as a family. No small task. Who are we? And how do you lay that out in words and pictures?</div>
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Thank you all so much for rooting for us, it means so much! And now that we've finished that homestudy, I hope we'll have more time for taking care of this here blog. </div>Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-74896089400042857102011-10-30T18:26:00.000-07:002011-10-30T18:26:47.283-07:00Happy Hallowe'en Eve<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Happy very nearly Halloween. And just under the wire we bought and carved our pumpkins today. We started the day driving out to our second of three visits with our homestudy caseworker. This time it was for interviews. This seemed like it could be scary, but in the end, her motivations are simple and she's really very nice, so it was fine. We were allotted an hour each for our interviews, and she asked for more information regarding questions she had after reading our questionnaires. I took more than my fair share of time, since I have had a slightly more complicated life that requires complicated answers to complicated questions. </div>
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So now that's done - the caseworker got to meet our darling Adeline, and see that we've managed to raise an awesome person thus far, so I'm certain that was many points in our favor. On our way back we went to the same farm we've gone to every year to pick our pumpkins. But, for the first time I did not have my camera, which felt weird weird weird. I'll just have to store the memories in my head. The weather was beautiful, the pumpkins were chosen, there was running between the rows, all of the necessary components.</div>
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We bought four pumpkins this year. Do you like number four? Our little mystery baby, you are such an exciting question, I can't wait to begin to learn the answers.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9cG86DUwXaqlurF_tbQiPI1OdR9Mbpt1kRbLhydE0TM4wZcAyKfwpmJ_4ladlmsSUnrU2sAlmTij2sHf2VliSrFgWvr6drymEtq9mk83yU0oez3UeF7DioyUd67XGwHP58cKTBvffx5uL/s1600/IMG_4936.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9cG86DUwXaqlurF_tbQiPI1OdR9Mbpt1kRbLhydE0TM4wZcAyKfwpmJ_4ladlmsSUnrU2sAlmTij2sHf2VliSrFgWvr6drymEtq9mk83yU0oez3UeF7DioyUd67XGwHP58cKTBvffx5uL/s400/IMG_4936.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Next weekend is the home visit, so this week is serious crunch time to get all the loose ends tied up. This is also a very special week, because my Mom is coming from NY to visit, she should be arriving on Tuesday, and we can't wait. I am hoping to harness her Martha Stewart-esque skills and natural proclivity to bustle for the forces of good - namely my house. I suppose I should apologize to her in advance that her visit falls during an insanely busy little blip in our lives, but it's pretty neat that she can help me nest for this baby, the way she did when we were preparing for Adeline's arrival.<br />
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So yes - wish us luck as we buckle down. We'll need it.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-12856124689285600122011-10-28T19:53:00.000-07:002011-10-28T19:53:57.385-07:00So my sister pointed out...that we'd fallen off the blogging wagon already. Shame, shame on us. But it wasn't because we were snuggled up watching Netflix, no, we're hard at work around here!<div>
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More things are done:</div>
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Financial statements filled out and sent</div>
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Physicals for all 3 of us, just waiting on the return of lab reports</div>
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Painting with the help of my awesome in-laws</div>
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More trips to Goodwill</div>
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Homeschooling</div>
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General life-upkeep</div>
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And lots and lots of photography work</div>
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There are only a few minor documents that are outstanding and then our end of this homestudy is done. Can't believe how quickly it's gone, but I'm also unsure how anyone complete sone with a full time job.</div>
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So wowzer, it's all looking like we'll have our Homestudy report in about 3 1/2 weeks, at which point we'll just be finishing up the profile building with our agency, and then ready to activate! That part is harder, because I don't exist in photographic form actually DOING anything, since I am the photographer. So we are going to employ the help of some talented friends (I have so many talented friends), to document some of our lives, so that an expectant Mom and Dad can see what we look like as a family and couple, and not just my handsome husband and beautiful daughter. </div>
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I've been so touched by the outpouring of love from friends - the excitement - about this new adventure. Baby gear is trickling in as people are putting aside the things they no longer need, there have been donations to the adoption fund, and friends are helping with childcare for meetings, house renovations, and offering listening ears when I want to vent or ask advice. I do feel like I'm "paper pregnant", even though I don't know how long we'll be waiting for this little one to arrive, or how he or she will come. Such a happy mystery.</div>
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I'll poke dear husband to write soon, if I can spare him.</div>
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<br /></div>Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-7374567922960835522011-10-23T17:59:00.000-07:002011-10-23T17:59:41.995-07:00Hard telling not knowing.It's been a very busy weekend, like all weekends these days. And although Ben and I are both feeling pretty burned out (and Adeline is most likely wishing both her parents were in the same space at the same time), great progress is being made.<div>
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Ben spent his birthday doing a whole lot of work - on the house! He and our good friend Greg finished a bunch of small but wonderful tasks, that add up to the house looking so much more finished. The trim around our recently widened walk through is in place; the baseboards are back and the foot moulding is down; the thresholds are where they should be - just in time for the more serious cold that's been rolling in; and the back door now has tile in front of it, which just needs to be grouted and sealed. Hurray for wonderful friends that are willing to help on their own precious weekends, and hurray for progress!</div>
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There is just a little bit of painting and organizing left to be done, and then the house is ready for our home visit. And amazingly, we are starting to really have most of our paperwork in the bag. Not all of it, but enough that I can see the end of it in sight. All of this seems to be moving at lightspeed, and yet I can't hurry it fast enough. I don't want to burn time, just the lead-up to being activated, where some Mama and Papa out there might see our profile and decide we are JUST the kind of family they would want. </div>
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I think I've lost the plot here. I was working a metaphor.. <br />
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Ah yeah - getting the house clean. Preparing for adoption is like that, except for your entire life. You have to scramble to get everything in order, and provide documents proving that it is in order. It's like scrambling to clean the house when the inlaws are coming over, and the inlaws are health inspectors and they're going to run bacterial cultures on the kitchen counters and toilet handle. For the purposes of this metaphor, the toilet handle is your financial records. <br />
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The worst part of this metaphor is that it refuses to remain entirely metaphorical - while we do in deed have to clean the financial toilet handle, we must also clean the real one. And so too, the real not metaphorical garage and office. <br />
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I have concluded in working to put these into an inlaw-worthy state that we have far too much crap. Who bought this stuff? I want somebody to blame who isn't me. <br />
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I think the garage had become an ecosystem. Life of a sort was emerging from the primordial clutter. What we thought of as only junk and cardboard boxes, magazines and milk jug tops, scrap wood, clothes hangers, random shoes, broken lamps - these simple things had become part of something much greater, a complex system in which the first inklings of new forms of life had begun to emerge, before I swept in like the death of dinosaurs, and sundered the world of the protoclutteroids. <br />
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I'm already seeing the good come from all this effort though. It is hard to deny the cleaned out garage and office isn't marvelous. Getting rid of stuff is bringing me more pleasure than accumulating it. And I well recognize that we're a happier and saner and more creative family when our space is freed from clutter and creatively arranged. <br />
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In a way, Baby to Be is already making our lives better. Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738435867733914380.post-14021398992271493972011-10-18T21:35:00.000-07:002011-10-18T21:35:58.108-07:00Fear is in the air, or wait, is it fall?Last night and today were kind of rough. Adoption is full-to-bursting with the unknown. Ben had an epiphany last night as I was reading over some literature with him - about how we would have to stay in the state where our baby is born until the Interstate Compact is cleared and we can come back to Georgia, potentially for as long as 2 weeks. This involves leaving our daughter at home with her grandparents, potentially for longer than she's ever been away from us. And then that discussion led to revocation of consent periods - the time in which the expectant Mom can sign the papers to place her baby with us, and then decide instead to parent. This time period varies dramatically from state to state, and favors different parts of the adoption triad. It's a really complex and emotionally fraught issue, and it's a large piece of the need for adoption reform.<br />
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At any rate, all of this journey requires an enormous leap of faith. There is a not insignificant chance that we will arrive at the hospital to meet the expectant mother we've matched with, and then hold her baby, love on him or her, take care of him or her for a little while, and then hand that baby back to be raised by his or her Mother and or Father, and go home with hearts a little more broken than they were before. But we have to trust in the idea that somewhere out there, eventually, there will be a child that is, through the joyful and tragic dance that is adoption, meant to join our family. And when that child arrives in our home, we will be grateful for all of the other chances passing us by. And all of those other children, we will need to be happy for them, that they will continue down their own paths with their first families, and hope for the best for them.<br />
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This is such a scary scary thought for a family that has experienced loss already, too many times. But we're a resilient little trio, and I have to believe that if we go into this with our hearts and heads in the right place, we can make it through.<br />
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So at any rate, Ben called our coordinator at the agency we're using to discuss risk, and statistics, and get his head around how likely each scenario is. He came away from the conversation at peace, and ready to continue down this road.<br />
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No paperwork at all done today, alas - but I did get a load of books taken to the library for the Friends of the Library sale, a load of clothes taken to Habitat's ReStore, and a few items of mine found new homes with friends. Purging is so freeing!<br />
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Tomorrow's agenda: more fingerprinting. Hope our prints are crystal clear.Sarah, Ben, Adeline, and Verityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813847861299771566noreply@blogger.com1