So we've been officially active and waiting with our agency for 8 weeks today. I had a nice talk with a very close friend tonight about how that feels - and how we (so far) manage not to lose our minds, with all of the unknowns floating around. On one hand, she was right, it's crazy making, not knowing ANYTHING about the arrival of our baby. We don't know when, or where from, or who, or how this baby will arrive. We can't really make any solid plans about what we will do when the time comes, because there are so very very many variables at play.
But I guess that is the very thing that is helping us feel at ease with the wait. We've done what we can, and now we wait. I am making a quilt for the baby, which is coming along slowly. We talk about names regularly, knowing that the circumstances surrounding the baby may change what his or her name ends up being. I pick out knitting patterns, and debate what size to make, not knowing if we will have a wee tiny winter baby, or a chubby little spring baby, or a leggy summer baby, or some variation thereof. I poke through Ebay, looking at cute Hanna Andersson pajamas in the little tiny sizes (because if my adorable nephew looks that cute in them, our baby must also), and I do a lot of dreaming.
I won't lie, I have moments of feeling such urgency - "come baby, come right now!" and willing the phone to ring. 4 years is such a very long time to wait for this to happen, and we're not done waiting yet.
This past weekend I attended 2 adoption related events, one with my Mother-in-law. They were so interesting and relevant, and I got to meet a bunch of other families that have already walked through this path. It made me feel hopeful and so happy - to see these families in the flesh, knowing that our own will look an awful lot like that very soon. They are real, and normal, and happy, and this really will happen. It's my mantra. This will happen.
Say it with me now.